nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
zippers are such a cool invention
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
