either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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