I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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