just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
