R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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