Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
