I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
