At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
