i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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