Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
