i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
