Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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