The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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