I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
