We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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