Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
