their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
