Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize