Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
