new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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