I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
