Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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