i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
