someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
