she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
