Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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