god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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