dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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