I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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