life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
