So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
