When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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