my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize