I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize