Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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