Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
