i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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