She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
