Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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