It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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