Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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