She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
