I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
