$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
