We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
