I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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