she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
