life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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