Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
