he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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