My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
