Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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