My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize