is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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