you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
