saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
