Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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