I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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