I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
