did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize