Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
