My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
