you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Come on in and take your pants off
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