Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
