i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
