YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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