so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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